The Rhetoric of Chikin

The struggles over whether or not same-sex marriage should be lawful has centered on 'Chikin' -- that is Atlanta-based company Chic-fil-a's brand. Though it has been known for a while that Chic-fil-a donates money to organizations like Focus on the Family and Exodus (both rally against same-sex marriage), the lid exploded off this pressure-cooker issue when Chic-fil-a COO Dan Cathy made his statement about gay marriage. Calls for boycott, which already existed, grew louder, public officials said they would keep the chain from their cities, and many Facebookian voices cried out loud from both sides of the issue.

What I've noticed is how the reaction to Cathy's comments (i.e. the boycott, the accusations of bigotry, the mayor's of Boston and Chicago making statements) has been labelled as 'whining', 'ridiculous', even 'intolerant'. Many have said that homosexuals and liberals were trying to deny freedom of speech to Cathy and to his company.

Noticeably, when a minority group denied equal rights raises it's voice and opinion, it gets labelled and is told to 'shut-up' ( I actually saw Facebook posts of this nature). Then the battle cry of free speech is raised (rather ironically) as though the Christian Right were being denied its voice somehow.

I think somewhere in the mix of some people's bickering, name calling and pettiness, both sides have let this get away from the real issue. We all know we have the right to free speech. Everyone seems to be exercising it really well lately. However, it seems that what is being confused as denial of free speech is simply the consequences of speaking. Whenever someone or a group say something someone else or another group doesn't like, there are always risks of reaction. This is just human behavior. Now, I'm not condoning name calling and personal attack here, but we must realize that there are going to be various kinds of reactions (no matter your platform).

For example, just within the last month when Oreo posted a picture of a 'Pride' cookie on its Facebook page, people began posting. Notably, many people said they would stop buying Oreo cookies, and there were some rather hateful remarks. And, let us not forget in the late 90s when the Southern Baptist Convention voted to boycott Disney because of Disney's support for same-sex couples and because Ellen DeGeneres outed herself on her ABC (Disney-owned) sitcom. The Southern Baptist Convention was making its statement against what it saw as sinful. Obviously, the Right has had a history of making its points be heard too.

Underneath all of the reactions, though, is the real issue.  The real issue is about equal rights under the law. It is lawful for a man and woman to get married; however, it is not lawful for  a same-sex couple to get married. It is even banned, a bold, forbidding, and denying move.

Why is it that those who believe in what they call 'traditional' marriage want to deny marriage to those who do not share the same view? How does allowing same-sex couples to marry affect the heterosexual couple's right to marry? As far as I know, no homosexual is asking married straight people to give up their rights to marry and their rights to share the legal benefits of that marriage. No one telling straight married people that their choice is bringing God's judgement on a whole nation. No one is telling straight people that their desires are unnatural or disordered. No one is telling straight married people that they are the only choice for raising children. No one denies straight couples the right to be on an insurance plan together, file taxes together, or to be involved in medical decisions together. No one tells straight married couples who are together for many years that they cannot be part of their partner's funeral.

Yet, all of this is ok when applied to gay people. It is ok that private corporations and churches and affiliated organizations work to keep gay people from having the same treatment as straight people. This is what is at the root of this issue. Organizations like Focus on the Family work to legislate their view of morality, thus denying loving same-sex couples the right to be a legally recognized family just like their straight next-door neighbors.

Interestingly, Focus on the Family says that there are health benefits for 'married men and women' which include the following:

• Higher levels of physical and mental health
• Longer lives
• Happier, healthier and less violent relationships
• Greater emotional support
• Lower levels of depression and suicide
• Reduced risk of either perpetrating or suffering a crime
• Increased individual earnings and savings

**Borrowed from 'Talking Points (Marriage)

Though this group posits the benefits of marriage, they work to deny same-sex couples the same benefits. Not only do they believe that marriage is supposed to be between a man and woman (which is fine if that's their belief), but they support legislation that makes this the rule for all others (which is not so fine). And to this organization working to deny equal rights goes some of Chic-fil-a's money.

So, for me,  as a consumer, my only way to 'vote' on this issue is to choose where to put my money and where not to put it. In this era, it is very difficult to make ethical choices about how we spend. We often don't know where our products come from. However, if what I do find out about a company is disagreeable to me, I can choose to redirect my money to other groups that match my values. Though this has been labelled 'ridiculous' or 'whiny', all of us have this right. Today, many who side with Chic-fil-a showed their support by lining up and buying chicken. Many who don't side with Chic-fil-a have chosen not to go there. This is how consumerism works in a free society.

All the while I've become more reflective about all the verbiage used during this latest skirmish in the so-called 'Culture Wars'. I think an analysis of this most recent episode in our history and counter protests to other historical liberation movements would be profitable. Perhaps this could be my MA thesis work. Perhaps this could be my contribution to the movement.

Loafing after Leaping

"At least your right arm isn't sawed off and you still have that nice homeless shelter to stay at every other Friday during thunder storms; oh, and thank god that flesh eating virus hasn't acted up in a while. You gotta count your blessings, you know!" the world to the hobo.

I've not posted in a while because life threw nasty pieces of itself in my path, making the journey more worthy of my emergency response mode, a mode that I'm actually quite good at, despite how bitchy I become when problems crop up. I can somehow gather the pieces when life gets me down.

So, when I came back from vacation, my car broke down on the way to work on a Monday morning. This happened during the week that I was supposed to leave to travel to read at a conference. (On a good note, I had won an award).

I had this odd feeling that Sunday night before the breakdown that something was going to be wrong with my car. Perhaps it was the omen left by my kitty in the corner of my dining room. Yes, I had a kitty sitter to come take care of him, but kitty still left me a smelly sign to clean up. Vacation had been so utterly relaxing and perfect and here I come back hitting the ground running on life's little messes. I don't think my shoulders have relaxed yet during the last two weeks. That nervous little cat from Looney Tunes, you know the one chased by Pepe le Pew, has had nothing on me. My fight or flight's kept my claws clinging.

My clanging car's transmission, as it turned out, had to be replaced to the tune of $2800.00. Empathetic people who mean well always say things like: "Well, at least you weren't out of town when it happened", which is really the last sort of thing you'd like to hear in those moments where you feel beaten. Also, I was behind in my coursework yet couldn't focus at work or with my reading because of the car issue. Not only did I have to deal with being carless, but I also had to act fast to come up with the money. (I have a small emergency fund, but it wasn't ready for that big of a problem).

Luckily, my dear partner was planning to go to the conference with me, so we took his car. This was my first graduate conference as a participant, so I was really nervous. I was afraid as a first year MA student that I would be such a misfit. This feeling lasted the first half of day one of the conference, where I mostly ran in PhD students who talked of things I hadn't heard of yet. They were nice and friendly, but I felt intimidated, part of my inferiority complex, not anything they said.

I got over this feeling, fellow-shippped and became part of a community (I'm rather isolated as I'm doing my MA by distance), and felt better for having gone and read my first conference paper. This experience opened a whole new world to me.

So, at least I made it through the week, and I count my blessings that it was a successful time! The conference was a nice boost to my self-esteem. I got my car back the Monday after the conference, and the status quo has resumed. Life's ebbs and flows keep us on our toes I suppose, but this whole experience has made me more reflective about where I am in life and about what I really want out of life. It's made me appreciate and savor the enjoyable moments. It's made me realize that after crises and stressful moments, it's ok to take a break. It is ok to loaf with myself and 'invite my soul' to follow down a path of doing nothing as I see fit. And this week, I've allowed myself to do just that: sweet nothing.

Ahh Vacation - Letting Go and Hanging Loose

It was a bomb-bursting vacation while I travelled to Michigan to chill with family for a solid nine days. The 4th is very festive time for us because we cook out, sit out pool-side for days, go to a fireworks show, and go Lake Michigan to watch the sun descend into the watery abyss. This is my favorite way to spend the 4th ever.

This was a much needed vacation. Despite bringing school work with me, I gave up the ghost of "studenting" and decided to let life flow. Before going, I was dead tired, angry, frustrated, and so uptight. By allowing myself to vacation while on vacation, I was able to enjoy life unencumbered.

Hanging loose is perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves. I intend to incorporate more of this vacation motto in my daily life. Here's how:

1. Take time to really enjoy music. During this trip, my amazing fellow vacationer made a great road-trip mix of 8 cds. We jammed the whole drive. Also, I went to two concerts while there: the Beach Boys and Def Leppard. Rarely do I dance to music publicly because I'm afraid of embarrassing myself (imagine Carlton on Fresh Prince); however, I let go of my fears and just danced.

2. Try new things. Usually life gets in a routine and you get in a rut. Vacation blows the doors off of the 'same old, same old' and let's you mix it up a bit. I went to a brewery, did a wine tasting, saw a lighthouse up close for the first time, and went to a blueberry farm where I bought the best blueberries I've ever had.

3. Chill. Often life is just go, go, go. But, it pays to take time to sit down, recline your chair, and relax. My most 'chilling' moments were in the pool, where I floating on a tube and sipped a few drinks. It's a great way to unwind.

4. Eat S'mores. Often S'mores are camping fare, but if you don't want to go outside, I witnessed a great indoor trick. Get an unscented candle or tea light, light it, put your marshmallow on a s'more stick, and toast it to your liking. This is a great desert. Be sure to blow out the candle when done.

5. Buy a treat.  Buy yourself something if you can budget it. It's nice to treat yourself. I bought a ten-pound box of blueberries since they were farm-fresh and so good. I've eaten a good bit of them, but am freezing most of them for later use.

I think if we vacation our daily living a little more, life will feel much more fun. Often, when we come back to the 'real' world, we get right back into our routines of being stressed, being over extended, and constantly being 'on'. But, it's important to recharge ourselves somehow with little daily vacas.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Honest Abe fights vampires. Some might sneer at this concept, but I find it fun. In a time perhaps overladen with vampire drama, it is nice to have a rather comedic and Gothic take on one of our most memorable presidents. Abraham Lincoln seems the perfect candidate for weaving a 'hidden' side into a historical figure's life, for he exemplifies great virtue. That he's the 19th century male Buffy works, and surprisingly (yet oddly) makes him seem more human and heroic, probably because we learn he has a personal axe to grind (all puns intended).

Young Abraham Lincoln's (Lux Haney-Jardine) formative moment as the man who will end slavery and fight vampires begins when he witnesses his black, childhood friend Will Johnson (Curtis Harris) being beaten. Despite his father's warnings to look away, Lincoln runs, hatchet in hand, to save his friend, unwittingly earning the ire of Jack Barts (Martin Csokas), who turns out to be undead. The price for young Abe's intervention comes at a great loss, which inspires the adult Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) to seek out Barts for revenge, but this becomes a lifelong pursuit of vamp slaying that gets intertwined with the moral issues surrounding slavery and the Civil War. 

The film's hyperbolic action does make you chuckle, but in a good way. Often, superhuman strength is played so seriously in movies we forget how fun it is to appreciate the comedic unbelievability of super hero strength. I mean, Lincoln can slash a tree down in one fell swoop with his axe. Add a little silver to the blade and he can kill vamps while using crazy martial arts moves.  This type of action has been done so seriously so many times, that adding something funny really adds freshness to the action scenes. 

Yet, this film also mixes the comedic with the Gothic. The costumes, the gray hues of sets, and a couple of steam punk gadgets add a romantic, faux-historical visual flare. To this is the added the melancholy of Lincon's story, scary vampires who can disappear and reappear before your eyes, and characters with rather morbid aspects. 

I enjoyed Benjamin Walker as Lincoln. He was believable and brought a fair amount of darkness to his role. At the same time, Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Mary Todd Lincoln was a great choice. She portrays a playfully, sharp Mary Todd, who Lincoln, despite warnings to remain single-heartedly devoted to vampire slaying, cannot resist loving. Dominic Cooper as Henry Sturgess, Jimmi Simpson as Joshua Speed, and Anthony Mackie as Will Johnson all make a great band of vampire-slaying friends. 

If you go to the movies looking for  a serious period piece or a purely dark tale with mythical weight, you'll be disappointed. If you go to the movies looking for a fun fusion of vampire meets Abraham Lincoln with a little darkness peppered with hyperbolic action, this is a great film for you. 

This movie made me curious about the book by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the Pride and Prejudice and Vampires. There's something interesting about bringing together 19th century history and today's vampire/zombie obsession that makes sense. Maybe it helps us re-imagine older but still popular narratives in terms of today's post-apocalyptic action tales, giving the older narratives a new relevance. 

3 out of 4

Rock of Ages Review

I love campy musicals anyway. Add 80's rock 'n' roll, throw in Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Mary J. Blige, and I'm most definitely there. Rock of Ages, adapted from the Broadway musical, is like a long glee episode that took a time-machine back in time. This is compliment, I promise. (Warning spoilers follow).

Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough) is just a small town girl all lonely in a bus pointed toward LA, where her grandmother has pushed her to pursue her dream. Classic newcomer moment happens when she steps off the bus and gets welcomed to the city by a friendly thief, who runs down the street with her only suitcase, which is of course filled with vinyl. Not even pretending to chase down this creep, Sherrie's soon-to-be boyfriend Drew Boley (Diego Boneto) darts across the highway to make sure she's OK. Not only feeling sympathy for her, Drew falls in love right away. He gets her a job at the Bourbon Club, run by Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and Lonny (Russell Brand). From here, Sherrie and Drew's romance develops and has its problems, Drew gets a big break, they both have to sell out on their dreams for a little while, and then it all ends up happily fixed in the end.

The plot behind the love story brings the most interesting aspects of the movie together. Crazy protesters, organized by Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones) in a ploy to get more attention to her mayor husband's (Bryan Cranston) campaign, and part of her own inner rock demons, threaten to bring the Bourbon down. Dupree and Lonny need money fast and rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) is the only one who can bring that kind of attention and revenue to the club.

While I love the musical scenes between Drew and Sherrie -- we get to see them sing their budding love in 'Waiting for a Girl Like You'-- some of the best parts of the movie involve the oversexed, irresistibly hot rocker Stacee Jaxx, an ass-hole for sure, but a groupie king nontheless. Perhaps the best scene is between him and the alluringly and deceivingly cute Rolling Stone reporter Constance Sack (Malin Ackerman), where she's trying to be a serious reporter, but she can't resist Jaxx's seething sexuality.

Alec Baldwin is the perfect hardcore rock-lover and Bourbon owner, who just wants to rock, but he has to take care of business too. Baldwin and Brand play well off each other, with Brand's zany Britishness and Baldwin's genuine and quiet young-at-heart charm. They end up playing their mutual love and  attraction with great comedic effect, a commonly acceptable way to play the gay card while keeping it light. I think this works well in this film, but I do wonder when it will be OK to not make same-sex attraction a joke just so it's easier for everyone. But, I digress.

The soundtrack to this movie is absolutely amazing. In an age of mash-ups, we get good fusions of 'Juke Box Hero/ I Love Rock 'n' Roll', 'Shadows of the Night / Harden My Heart', and 'We Built this City / We're Not Gonna Take It'. Cruise and Zeta-Jones sing well in a musical with the likes of Mary J. Blige, and the choreography is just simply fun.

Running at 123 mins, it is a long film, but every musical moment makes it worth your while. If you're an 80's rock lover, this is a great musical tribute to a wonderful era.

YYY
(out of 4)

Thinking on These Things

Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar



For the past while, I've been in a rather dark mood and unable to see much rosiness, happiness, beauty, or whatever you wanna call it in the universe. Feeling unloved, under appreciated, and wounded, the last few months have been a struggle. At times I've been full of anger, sadness, and nerves. Other times I've been deflated, hollow, dry, and puddled like a liquid clock in a surrealist's world.  Last night in particular I was feeling unfriended, icky from my unhealthful food, full of frustration, and eventually just tired.

Though I feel self-indulgent and a little embarrassed to admit this, I somehow feel compelled to spill the auto-biography of my pain. Nevertheless, I think much can be learned from a dark night of living through miserable feelings. For example, despite it all, I found some enthusiasms for life again last night, and it all connects back to an actress and her book.

About a month ago Sissy Spacek was coming to my city to talk about her memoir, My Extraordinary Ordinary Life, replete with tales of growing up in Texas and making it in the film industry. One of the most striking things in her book is how solidly well-formed her childhood was. It seems this gave her what she needed for later success. Her father and mother were supportive and positive. Seeing Sissy being interviewed live was amazing. The hour flew by; I could have listened to her forever as she regaled stories of working on Carrie and meeting her husband and having Bill Paxton house sit (disastrous though it was) for her when he was young. When I had her sign my copy, she was so genuine and kind. Full of grace and charm.



Though I had read most of the memoir the day before meeting her, I still had the last 60 pages to go. Picking up the book last night, I read about when her mother passed. Her mother was her 'travel companion' who was such a positive influence. In fact, Sissy writes that her mother's favorite bible verses included passages enjoining an optimistic attitude: Philippians 4:8 and Proverbs 23:7.

So, I read Philippians 4:8, which says, 'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.'

Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear at this moment for here I was feeling very depleted and absolutely done with everyone and everything. And then, I was hit with this 'a-ha' as Oprah would call it. Yes, life can be really shitty and dirty and hard, but there are also good things to enjoy and realize. Yet, it is so very difficult to think on these things because many times the brain clings only to those negative aspects of living.

Now, I've subscribed to positive thinking before; however, I have also dangerously repressed any other feelings that were present in my flow of feelings. So, I think we must exercise care in handling our outlook. We can't ignore parts of life, or if we do, it coils itself up and readies itself to strike back. And, when it strikes, it hurts. It is better to accept all of life -- its hurts, its pains, its messes, its beauty, its joy, its wellness-- than just part of it. Things are going to be annoying, hurtful, angering, frustrating, but things are also going to fun, uplifting, lovely, and relaxing too. It helps to see all of life and to calmly notice and accept our reaction to it.  The negative, when it does come, can be transformed if we also are able to see that there is a good there too. Thich Nhat Hanh writes about how important smiles are and shares a poem:

I have lost my smile,
but don't worry.
The dandelion has it.

I'm still sad today but feeling better. I have a dry erase board in my office, and I decided to have little reminders of the good things in life. I drew a dandelion on one side. On the other, I made a 'Think on These Things' List, under which I wrote:

Yummy yogurt
A great friend
An amazing book
A wonderful smile :)

This was the antidote to every negativity I felt this weekend. So, I hope you may find your dandelion to hold your smile and help you when you feel down.

Veggie Log

In my attempts at ‘greener' eating, I decided to start cutting up some raw veggies to eat on.  Partly, this is in hopes of detoxing from my food hangover of bad eating. This year's Memorial Day weekend was filled with a lot of food, and overzealously I supped way too much on delicious Mexicali dip, pizza, Thai food, Pete’s donuts, and the requisite, patriotic hot dogs. Supposedly, an abundant food stock helps insure we eat less because we don’t get that fear of running out and being hungry. However, this theory does not hold up well, for we had enough food for a doom shelter, and I still ate ate ate.

The road to veggie consumption is paved with healthful dips

Raw vegetables are so wonderful: the crispy crunch of celery, the fresh scent of cut-up cucumbers, and the sweet juiciness of carrots are about the best eating experiences in the world. Though some taste buds, accustomed to salt, sugar, and lots of flavors, might find raw vegetables dull, leaving much to be desired. In this case, dips come in handy. There are a variety of flavorful dips out there, some of which are more healthful than others. One of my favorites is probably chocked full of fats and salts as it involves sour cream and a soup mix. This one I plan to eat occasionally.

However, there are better options, chocked full of good proteins and fiber.  For example, I love the flavors and texture of hummus; it is the perfect dip and good for you too. There are several shades, hues, flavors, and types of hummus, and you can make it at home quite easily (see recipe links below). I like to make traditional hummus and black bean hummus, especially if I’m feeling a little spicier. Eating veggies with hummus provides a flavorful and nutritious meal or snack. 

The Cost of Consuming Health

Often there is a fear that eating healthy means spending more; however, this is not necessarily the case. Check out this NPR story about this very issue.  Luckily, having fresh veggies is an affordable way to get more nutrients into your body.  Here’s a nice resource for lots of good veggie information: www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov.

I love the Whole Foods' recipe for black bean hummus.  For a more traditional recipe, check out the Barefoot Contessa’s Hummus recipe.

Just Doing the Dishes of Everyday Life

'I am no prophet -- and here's no great matter' -- Prufrock

Recently I listened to an NPR story about the chanting monks at The Monastery of Christ in the Desert. Rather strikingly the monks being interviewed briefly talked about the 'purposeful' monotony of everydayness in the monastery. Having retreated to an abbey a few times, I can vouch for this. The monks there were on a routine: they rose, they prayed the 'Hours' eight times a day on schedule, they worked, they ate at the prescribed times, and they went to bed. Then they got up and did it all over again.

In my daily life, I despise tasks that become monotonous, especially at work. I desire a job where I do not get bored and can avoid the routine -- you know, those tasks that become mindless because you've done them way too much. I have yet to find this dream job. Obviously, I don't know how well I could 'monk' it out in the desert for very long. My one-week retreats were exciting because they were new. But, what would I do once I hit that point where I get tired of the same things? Would the prayers just become mere words after a while? Would I passively resist my duties? Would I try to sneak out to catch the latest picture show?

Perhaps I would do better to embrace the monotonousness of life because as the monks of the desert monastery suggest, the monotony is an opportunity to develop an inner life. And perhaps there would be great creativity in those inner moments. If everything on the surface is status quo, then we have an opportunity to turn inward. Yet, maybe this is why repetitivity becomes so discomforting because all you have left is the inner you to tune in to, and sometimes people run from themselves (I know I do). A good friend once told me he couldn't be alone with himself too long because he gets too in his head. I've read that this phenomenon occurs when people have to endure silence --another key aspect of the monastery as there are usually designated places of quiet.

I'm not saying everything in my life has to be routine or that I shouldn't change things up when I want or that I should give up on more interesting work. I'm just thinking that maybe the routines that I find dreadful could be more enriching if I just learn how to 'be' in those moments. Maybe the routine would then become some of the best moments of living. Thich Nhat Han says doing the dishes can be a joy for 'not only do we do the dishes in order to have clean dishes, we also do the dishes just to do the dishes, to live fully in each moment while washing them' (p27 Peace is Every Step).

I want to learn how to live fully during the daily routine of life. Maybe there are all sorts of little treasures to find in the 'butt-ends of my days and ways'.

Burnin' Crazy

Burnout. Not a fun experience to say the least. It's like every ounce of excitement and motivation you had for life and/or work was beaten out of you. Your energy is low, you're easily angered, and you just can't function like you did. You may have a change in sleep patterns, in weight (if only this meant reduction for me, then maybe I'd see a positive side to this burnout monster), and in personal relationships. There are a slew of resources detailing burnout. One helpful article I read was here. Dr. Oz even did a show on it.

Burnout stems from being overly stressed for a period of time. In my case, I recently reached burnout from taking on a new responsibilities and not making changes so as to not overextend myself. This year, I started a MA in English Studies, which is truly a labor of love! But, I already had many roles: caregiver (as needed to my family), full-time employee, partner, homeowner, and my usual take-on-the-weight-of-the-world-cause-I'm-supposed-to mentality. Largely, this is all due to not listening to a little voice inside that says 'NO' to some things.  I realize I've got to make some changes in my lifestyle. I've been living (or is it living?) through 14 hour workdays a lot on little sleep and worrying to death over whether other people were ok and got what they wanted.

I've been here before. Usually, my way out has been to disengage from everything, which can be damaging. Sometimes the repercussions have hurt (loss of a letter grade in a class I had an A average, for example). I remember times when I just lay in bed all day and only did the most essential things for getting by. That's all a burned out person can do sometimes because that person's nerves are just stretched till the elasticity is popped like worn-out underwear.

This Memorial Day weekend, I went away for a few days, which gave me time to reflect a little on what I need to do to clim my way out of burn out.

Here is my Rx for taking care of me:

• Get more sleep
• Exercise
• Eat better (goes back to the green post)
• Not work during my lunch break
• Say no when I need to
• Allot time for things and stop working when I need to
• Get a new job (this one is important because I don't enjoy my work anymore)
• Have concern for others but make sure I'm taken care of too
• Journal to vent

Change does not happen right away, so it's not like I can unilaterally make all of these things happen at once. But, I can work at these! I've got to to recharge and get revitalized again, so I can enjoy my enthusiasms for living!

New Directions: Green Living

Something about going (more) green sounds so wholesome, good, and right to me. My gut says yes, my head says I need to know more. Being more of a gut person by about an inch, I've decided to do what feels right and  find out how I could green my life with home improvements, support of local and sustainable agriculture, and by eating more green things. To me, green could be more of an all-around way of life. Perhaps green is a good ontology (philosphy about being) for my world-view.

Green Home

Greening my home will be a longer, more invovled process. I live in a 1950s, cottage house in the city. It's way too drafty, and so it loses more energy than it should for a mere 900 square feet. The first step I think is to take part in the local electric company's green initiative and sign up for an in-home energy inspection, which will find all of the ineficiencies in my house. The fee is $50 here, but is refundable if I do $150.00 or more of the recommended repairs. If I do the repairs by a recommended contractor, I can get 50% up to $500 given to me by the power company. Sounds like a good deal. I know right off I need attic insulation, a better water heater, and probably a new heat-pump. Before I go the power company route, though, I want to check out some other organizations who do this kind of home inspection and work.

Idealy, I would love to start over, but I'm not in a position to sell my house right now. If I could leave my current house and secure some good land, I would love to built a green home from as many natural sources as possible. Simon Dale, in Wales, built his family a "hobbit" home in the forrest out of natural and local materials. See photo below from the article I read.

Simon Dale's Hobbit Home - Photo from Inhabitat

This home was built for £3,000 (around $5000.00) and is completely off the grid. Beutiful design with grass covering over the roof, it is symbol of ecological wonder. This house is low impact visually and environmentally.

I hope to learn more about these type of homes and maybe incorporate some of this at my current house.

Green Agriculture

Local and organic food seems the most green option to me.

Admittedly, I'm quite ignorant of how to grow organic. However, I plan to remedy this by learning more about how to grow some of my own food. My yard presents a slight problem because there is so much shade cover, but I might find veggies that grow ok in shade. I have one spot that might get more direct sunlight than all the rest. Perhaps that could be the site of a raised garden bed.

Besides growing at my house, I would like to support local farms. Luckily, my area has plenty of farmer's markets, and there are a few farms that offer CSA where people can buy shares of the produce. But, part of me wants to be more engaged than this. One solution to my shaded acreage is to take part in a community garden, or maybe start one! This could be a great opportuntiy for community to happen and for healthful foods to grow.

Green Eating

While this is related to green ag, I think it works as a separate category for me. I want to more green things in order to lose weight, to feel better, to look better, and to be healthier. I don't necessarily mean that all the foods have to be the color green, but whole, unprocessed vegetables and fruits is what I do mean.

I have become an addict to 'bad' foods; I find myself hating yet desiring fast food, highly processed snacks, and lots of meat. I want to change my diet to be less impacting on the environment and on my body. I'm not saying I will become totally vegan or vegetarian even, but I want to reduce my reliance on animal products and eat more vegies!

I want to go green as much as possible so I can be good to the earth and to me. I don't have a specific date for these changes, but slowly moving over to a green vision seems like the best plan.  And, I'm just beginning to look into this, so over time, I will have much more information and experience.

Buen Camino! Walking through Life

Jealousy and happiness -- that's what I was feeling this morning as I dropped off my friend at the airport. This is the beginning of her journey on the Camino de Santiago, a pilgrimage trail hundreds of years old that goes across northern Spain.  I am happy for her, but I so wish I were going too. However, one day I will get on my hiking boots and walk 500 miles to the cathedral where St. James (you know one of the twelve Apostles) is reportedly buried.


(Cathedral in Santiago - Photo from Wikipedia)

I sent a little sealed letter addressed to God with my friend. She graciously said she would carry my small letter that I folded into a small rectangle and inscribed "For God on the Camino de Santiago". It feels nice sending my requests to God with an entrusted friend on pilgrimage. But, it was also quite nerve wracking. I put some pretty life-changing intentions in my letter. Fear washed over me as I wondered, 'What if it comes true? Can I really handle this? Do I really want these changes? Oh, shit! What am I asking God for?' Thing is, these are some needed changes, but I just need a little push from the universe and some divine help to make them to happen. Yet, my feelings oscillate between hopeful relief and neck-tingling anxiety. Oh well, I asked for it!

Pilgrims -- Image from Wikipedia

Although I'm not physically striding along the path to Santiago with my friend, I am there with her in spirit. I realize that I have my own daily pilgrimage to make -- one that is pretty arduous right now. She will experience right away the difficult slopes of the French Alps, she will go on to know cold communal showers and sweaty refugio beds, she will discover quaint Spanish villages, and she will meet many people from all over. I will have my own difficulties and exciting moments in my walk here. So, I have the Camino in my heart, even though it is not under my feet.

But, one day I will know Camino with my body and soul, especially if one of the prayers gets answered!

Something missing? How to feel more fulfilled.

My life sometimes feels like it is missing something. A certain je ne sais quoi. Currently, I'm working on a paper about Deliverance. The novel's readers seem to have believed that Deliverance provided an authentic view of a primitive and untouched Appalachia. The character Lewis Medlock believes that  the mountains are a site for self-dertermination and survival. Sometimes I feel disconcerted with modern life, and get tired of just 'sliding' through as Ed does in his advertising job. Is this office environment right for me?

Unlike Lewis, I don't mind living in suburbia (my house feels like it's in the country thanks to the old, old trees and the privacy of wildly uncontrolled bushes along my fence row). And, as good as it sounds, I'm sure taking to the hills will give me a more authentic life. But, I am kinda worn out with the daily living. My therapist says I'm burnt out with responsibilties. He's right. Most of my time feels like a to do list. I'm not saying I'm always busy -- I passively resist my own duties with some good amounts of procratisnation -- but everything is a chore these days, and I'm tired of it.

So, how to feel more authentic and fullfilled? I'm no expert, but it seems all so simple. Yet, sometimes the simplest things are the hardest. Here's what I'm going to try to do to alleviate some of this dullness and feeling of missing out:

1. Be present with what I'm doing.  I'm so good at worrying about all the other things while I'm doing just one thing. Maybe if I focus on just the task at hand I can find enjoyment in it.

2. Make time for me.  Sometimes we just need to make time and space for ourselves. Even if I end up not doing anything with the time I've set aside other than just 'being', then I've loved myself enough to allow me to refresh.

3. Embrace more adventure. Ok, so I'm a weenie when it comes to some things. Like, I am scared to death of heights, so sky diving wouldn't be my idea of an adventure. But, lately, I've had the hankering to learn how to kayak or canoe down a river, particularly the Chattooga because of the Deliverance connection.

4. Enjoy time with others.  It feels nice to do things that you commonly enjoy with those in your life who get you. It also feels nice just 'be' with people. We need more 'being' in the world.

5. Look for meaningful work. Just having a job for the job's sake can suck the life out of you. My father's attitude was that you take a job and work it, even if you hate it. This has never worked out for me so well. I'm not good at the sucking it up and doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm employed and will work whatever for survival. But, I think it is important not settle for just mere ends meet. If you love it, it doesn't feel like work, or so I've heard.

Perhaps this list will change and grow as I try it out. But, I hope to find a way out of this boredom with life and this sense of incompleteness. I've heard we are already whole as we are. So, I guess we just have to learn how to find this wholeness inside.

Poem in my Pocket

Tomorrow is Poem In Your Pocket Day! See http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/406 for more details. Across the country, people will have the opportunity to carry a poem in their pockets to share with friends, family, or colleagues. I thought about selecting a few favorite lays, writing them out on fancy stationery, and handing them out to my co-workers while happily announcing, "Happy Poem in Your Pocket Day!" This might be a bit too much work, but I like the idea. Settling for something more economical, I'm probably just going to email everyone my favorite poem.

What fine lines have struck my fancy so much that I them favorite? Certainly, lines from Eliot's Prufrock have staying power. That good metaphysical sonnet from John Donne -- Death Be Not Proud -- dances around in the brain. Yet, perhaps the poem that means the most to me is from the Romantic Period. Wordsworth's Lines Written in Early Spring has resonated since I took a survey course called British Literature II, which started with the Romantic Period and went through the 20th Century.

Lines Written in Early Spring

I heard a thousand blended notes,

While in a grove I sate reclined,

In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts

Bring sad thoughts to the mind.

To her fair works did Nature link

The human soul that through me ran;

And much it grieved my heart to think

What man has made of man.

Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,

The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;

And ’tis my faith that every flower

Enjoys the air it breathes.

The birds around me hopped and played,

Their thoughts I cannot measure:—

But the least motion which they made

It seemed a thrill of pleasure.

The budding twigs spread out their fan,

To catch the breezy air;

And I must think, do all I can,

That there was pleasure there.

If this belief from heaven be sent,

If such be Nature’s holy plan,

Have I not reason to lament

What man has made of man?

(Text from Poetry.org)

I will share this poem tomorrow. I hope many people partake in this as I think it is a great way to talk about the creative works which have personal meaning. Happy sharing!

Radnor Lake

This week has been a struggle with balancing work, school, yard work (spring flipped out way too early!), and social life. (I actually went out this week)! Yet, I feel exhausted and there is nothing like a wonderful walk in the woods to cleanse your spirit. I always feel light and happy there among the forest trees as the smells of nature always put me in a good mood. Though I live in the city, there is a wooded oasis with trails that run over ridges and meander around a beautiful lake: Radnor Lake.

A Radnor Lake sunrise (Photo by Charles)

To keep it feeling like nature, the Radnor Lake  Preserve does not allow running, biking, or the bringing of pets on the trail. While this might seem restrictive, this protects the woods and its inhabitants and lets the community enjoy the nature. I usually hike the trails on early to midmorning Sundays and see lots of deer. The trail is dirt but mulched in places. After a nice hike, I feel renewed and refreshed! If you are in Nashville, TN and like nature and walking, I highly recommend going! It is only about 15 minutes out of downtown.