Something missing? How to feel more fulfilled.

My life sometimes feels like it is missing something. A certain je ne sais quoi. Currently, I'm working on a paper about Deliverance. The novel's readers seem to have believed that Deliverance provided an authentic view of a primitive and untouched Appalachia. The character Lewis Medlock believes that  the mountains are a site for self-dertermination and survival. Sometimes I feel disconcerted with modern life, and get tired of just 'sliding' through as Ed does in his advertising job. Is this office environment right for me?

Unlike Lewis, I don't mind living in suburbia (my house feels like it's in the country thanks to the old, old trees and the privacy of wildly uncontrolled bushes along my fence row). And, as good as it sounds, I'm sure taking to the hills will give me a more authentic life. But, I am kinda worn out with the daily living. My therapist says I'm burnt out with responsibilties. He's right. Most of my time feels like a to do list. I'm not saying I'm always busy -- I passively resist my own duties with some good amounts of procratisnation -- but everything is a chore these days, and I'm tired of it.

So, how to feel more authentic and fullfilled? I'm no expert, but it seems all so simple. Yet, sometimes the simplest things are the hardest. Here's what I'm going to try to do to alleviate some of this dullness and feeling of missing out:

1. Be present with what I'm doing.  I'm so good at worrying about all the other things while I'm doing just one thing. Maybe if I focus on just the task at hand I can find enjoyment in it.

2. Make time for me.  Sometimes we just need to make time and space for ourselves. Even if I end up not doing anything with the time I've set aside other than just 'being', then I've loved myself enough to allow me to refresh.

3. Embrace more adventure. Ok, so I'm a weenie when it comes to some things. Like, I am scared to death of heights, so sky diving wouldn't be my idea of an adventure. But, lately, I've had the hankering to learn how to kayak or canoe down a river, particularly the Chattooga because of the Deliverance connection.

4. Enjoy time with others.  It feels nice to do things that you commonly enjoy with those in your life who get you. It also feels nice just 'be' with people. We need more 'being' in the world.

5. Look for meaningful work. Just having a job for the job's sake can suck the life out of you. My father's attitude was that you take a job and work it, even if you hate it. This has never worked out for me so well. I'm not good at the sucking it up and doing it. Don't get me wrong, I'm employed and will work whatever for survival. But, I think it is important not settle for just mere ends meet. If you love it, it doesn't feel like work, or so I've heard.

Perhaps this list will change and grow as I try it out. But, I hope to find a way out of this boredom with life and this sense of incompleteness. I've heard we are already whole as we are. So, I guess we just have to learn how to find this wholeness inside.