Loafing after Leaping

"At least your right arm isn't sawed off and you still have that nice homeless shelter to stay at every other Friday during thunder storms; oh, and thank god that flesh eating virus hasn't acted up in a while. You gotta count your blessings, you know!" the world to the hobo.

I've not posted in a while because life threw nasty pieces of itself in my path, making the journey more worthy of my emergency response mode, a mode that I'm actually quite good at, despite how bitchy I become when problems crop up. I can somehow gather the pieces when life gets me down.

So, when I came back from vacation, my car broke down on the way to work on a Monday morning. This happened during the week that I was supposed to leave to travel to read at a conference. (On a good note, I had won an award).

I had this odd feeling that Sunday night before the breakdown that something was going to be wrong with my car. Perhaps it was the omen left by my kitty in the corner of my dining room. Yes, I had a kitty sitter to come take care of him, but kitty still left me a smelly sign to clean up. Vacation had been so utterly relaxing and perfect and here I come back hitting the ground running on life's little messes. I don't think my shoulders have relaxed yet during the last two weeks. That nervous little cat from Looney Tunes, you know the one chased by Pepe le Pew, has had nothing on me. My fight or flight's kept my claws clinging.

My clanging car's transmission, as it turned out, had to be replaced to the tune of $2800.00. Empathetic people who mean well always say things like: "Well, at least you weren't out of town when it happened", which is really the last sort of thing you'd like to hear in those moments where you feel beaten. Also, I was behind in my coursework yet couldn't focus at work or with my reading because of the car issue. Not only did I have to deal with being carless, but I also had to act fast to come up with the money. (I have a small emergency fund, but it wasn't ready for that big of a problem).

Luckily, my dear partner was planning to go to the conference with me, so we took his car. This was my first graduate conference as a participant, so I was really nervous. I was afraid as a first year MA student that I would be such a misfit. This feeling lasted the first half of day one of the conference, where I mostly ran in PhD students who talked of things I hadn't heard of yet. They were nice and friendly, but I felt intimidated, part of my inferiority complex, not anything they said.

I got over this feeling, fellow-shippped and became part of a community (I'm rather isolated as I'm doing my MA by distance), and felt better for having gone and read my first conference paper. This experience opened a whole new world to me.

So, at least I made it through the week, and I count my blessings that it was a successful time! The conference was a nice boost to my self-esteem. I got my car back the Monday after the conference, and the status quo has resumed. Life's ebbs and flows keep us on our toes I suppose, but this whole experience has made me more reflective about where I am in life and about what I really want out of life. It's made me appreciate and savor the enjoyable moments. It's made me realize that after crises and stressful moments, it's ok to take a break. It is ok to loaf with myself and 'invite my soul' to follow down a path of doing nothing as I see fit. And this week, I've allowed myself to do just that: sweet nothing.

Ahh Vacation - Letting Go and Hanging Loose

It was a bomb-bursting vacation while I travelled to Michigan to chill with family for a solid nine days. The 4th is very festive time for us because we cook out, sit out pool-side for days, go to a fireworks show, and go Lake Michigan to watch the sun descend into the watery abyss. This is my favorite way to spend the 4th ever.

This was a much needed vacation. Despite bringing school work with me, I gave up the ghost of "studenting" and decided to let life flow. Before going, I was dead tired, angry, frustrated, and so uptight. By allowing myself to vacation while on vacation, I was able to enjoy life unencumbered.

Hanging loose is perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves. I intend to incorporate more of this vacation motto in my daily life. Here's how:

1. Take time to really enjoy music. During this trip, my amazing fellow vacationer made a great road-trip mix of 8 cds. We jammed the whole drive. Also, I went to two concerts while there: the Beach Boys and Def Leppard. Rarely do I dance to music publicly because I'm afraid of embarrassing myself (imagine Carlton on Fresh Prince); however, I let go of my fears and just danced.

2. Try new things. Usually life gets in a routine and you get in a rut. Vacation blows the doors off of the 'same old, same old' and let's you mix it up a bit. I went to a brewery, did a wine tasting, saw a lighthouse up close for the first time, and went to a blueberry farm where I bought the best blueberries I've ever had.

3. Chill. Often life is just go, go, go. But, it pays to take time to sit down, recline your chair, and relax. My most 'chilling' moments were in the pool, where I floating on a tube and sipped a few drinks. It's a great way to unwind.

4. Eat S'mores. Often S'mores are camping fare, but if you don't want to go outside, I witnessed a great indoor trick. Get an unscented candle or tea light, light it, put your marshmallow on a s'more stick, and toast it to your liking. This is a great desert. Be sure to blow out the candle when done.

5. Buy a treat.  Buy yourself something if you can budget it. It's nice to treat yourself. I bought a ten-pound box of blueberries since they were farm-fresh and so good. I've eaten a good bit of them, but am freezing most of them for later use.

I think if we vacation our daily living a little more, life will feel much more fun. Often, when we come back to the 'real' world, we get right back into our routines of being stressed, being over extended, and constantly being 'on'. But, it's important to recharge ourselves somehow with little daily vacas.